I don't hate being Aspie...

Update: the previous version used the term "autistic", which I was using in a general sense of being anywhere on the autistic spectrum, because I wanted to include everyone who feels the same way, the but it seems people read it as having "classic" autism specifically. So I've changed it, but I will place the old version in my scraps for anyone who preferred that version. Thanks for understanding.
Old version here: kidliquorice.deviantart.com/ar…

To look at us
You and I appear very much the same.
Yet I have learned that we experience life,
And therefore view our experiences,
Very differently.
I have learned that I just don't think like you,
No matter how hard I try,
And believe me I have...

I'm not asking that life's expectations
Be changed for me.
I seek only acceptance for the ways I choose to meet them.
Remember what gives joy to you
Is often very uncomfortable for me...

Most people hold on during a crisis and
relax when it is over.
I hold on and hold on
unable to let go.
Instead, when the crisis is over
I collapse
because modulation is something
my nervous system never learned to do.
It must be hard to understand.
I appear, because I hide things so well,
like someone who can handle so much.
Yet, inside I experience a roller coaster
that is either up or down,
rarely if ever experiencing solid ground...

Despite my many years of experience,
my brain still longs for consistency,
yet finds none.
New responses require a lot more time
than the milliseconds it requires for you
to review all the possibilities.
So my brain either freezes
or falls back on old responses.
Either way I'm stuck.
Later I can think it through
and pre-plan for the next time.
Only next time it is likely to be new again...

I don't experience loneliness
Or have the same needs and wants that you do,
So don't pity me for not having what I don't miss or want...

I'm only asking for the same rights
and freedoms you seek for yourself.
Don't assume that I want or think or experience
the way that you do.
As nice as you may think it is to be you,
I only want to be me.

~ Susan Golubock, Different on the Inside

This is an extract from a poem by Susan Golubock, published in Women from Another Planet?. I love this poem because it encapsulates exactly how it is for me as an Aspie on a day to day basis.

I don't hate being Aspie. I just hate being Aspie in a neurotypical world.

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Update:  a very strange thing has happened. I started switching to a plant-based diet around December 2013, becoming 99.9% herbivorous by March 2014. It's a very weird thing, but I've noticed my anxiety has reduced a lot. I mean A LOT. Reading back on what I wrote in the old version (see link at the top of this box), I don't feel anything like that now. I still get panicky at things at which other people wouldn't, but it's not a consuming thing like it used to be. Doing some research, it would seem the culprit was dairy.

Here is an interesting article about dairy and anxiety:
frugivoremag.com/2012/08/the-d…

Another update: I recently ate eggs for the first time in 4 years, and ended up with mood swings, depression, irritability and a week long anxiety attack. So diet definitely plays a role in mental health. There is more information on the following website, and I really recommend considering the role food could be playing in your mental health. Please do consult your GP if you are planning on going on an exclusion diet, so you can be referred to a qualified specialist:
www.alternativementalhealth.co…